WOMAN FINDS HEALING AFTER TRAGEDY OF ABORTION Dear Friends at Antiabortionsigns.com, Hi. I'm looking at your website with tears in my eyes and pain in my heart. I committed abortion when I was 17. I'm 45 now and for the first time in my life, I am starting to live. I spent many years in denial, refusing to face the truth of what I had done. I didn't want to admit that I was a murderer. I was one of those in-your-face pro-choice advocates, even though I really didn't even know what I was talking about. I just sided with them because I truly didn't know that the baby suffers horribly, no matter what kind of procedure is used. I truly thought it was "just a mass of cells" and nothing more. On 10/30/72, abortion was not yet legal in Illinois. So my parents drove me to Wisconsin, after our family doctor "made the arrangements," only to learn that I was too far along (already in second trimester) for their type of procedure. The next thing I knew, I was on a plane in the middle of the night headed for the Bronx, NYC, where I went in to a warehouse-like building with dozens of other young girls. We were all given a number. I was number 11. I will always remember that number. I received no counseling beforehand. No one explained that I was killing my baby and that I would suffer immeasurably for the rest of my life. No one even called it a baby. My father was the one who pushed me to "get rid of it" because he was afraid he would lose his banking business if anyone found out I was pregnant! My mother wanted me to "get married and suffer the consequences" of having sex before marriage. She accompanied me on the plane and berated and ridiculed me the whole time. On the way back, she told me how I had ruined HER life and she would NEVER forgive me. NOBODY TOLD ME I WAS KILLING MY BABY!!!! I honestly believe that if I had known what I know today, if someone had shown me pictures or talked to me, I would have a 28 year old daughter. From that point on, I started living very recklessly. I started drinking, became very promiscuous, eventually started charging up credit cards until I finally had to take bankruptcy, and after all of those addictions had subsided, I started overeating. I gained 100 lbs. in about 13 years. I did whatever I could to stuff the pain back down, because I sure didn't know how to deal with it. I finally started to have flashbacks and dreams in the past few years. God started reaching through my "blindness" to make me see the truth. He wanted me to ask forgiveness, which I did and which I received. My baby also forgave me. But I did not want to forgive myself. I didn't think I deserved that. I thought that if I forgave myself, I would be saying it was okay what I did. But I was wrong. In the last year, I have gone through a healing course, "New Beginnings," a Bible study/support group specifically for post-abortion syndrome. I believe that this group saved my life, because I had been dying a slow, agonizing death for the past 28 years. I learned how to forgive myself. I learned that God expected me to, and that if I didn't, it was an insult to God. So I, along with six other women in my group, forgave myself and set my little baby free to live in the arms of Jesus. I named her Rachel Katherine ("little lamb, so pure"). I wrote a song in her memory. I have since written and recorded other songs related to my own experience, in the hope that others will listen and change their minds about abortion. I would like to purchase some of the pictures that you have on your car. I already have prolife bumper stickers and you should hear the hateful comments and see the hateful looks I receive. I fully expect my windows to be broken or my tires slashed, but it won't stop me. I proudly display them because it is the lives of these precious little babies I care about, not what people think of me. God bless you in your ministry. Sincerely, Jan Ruffler

Pictures Worth a Thousand Words Dear Friends at Antiabortionsigns.com, Thank you for the pictures. You know the saying "A picture is worth a thousand words" - never has that been so true. I was constantly asked to take [my giant sign] down during my debate. I refused, and then would always ask why,  [to which I often got the response] "it's gross".  "It's the truth", I would say. It didn't come down until I left. I had one lady say she didn't know how horrible [abortion] was. She had an abortion about a year earlier. The [abortion clinic] staff never discussed that it was a baby, or gave her other options. She said she was maybe two and one half months [into her pregnancy] at the time. She assumed that it was just a blob until she saw my other pictures of aborted babies at that stage. Thank you for your help,   Tracea Jenkins

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